What it’s like down there, at your lowest.
Welcome to the sinister world where you are forced to witness the turbulence of negative emotions, avalanche of negative thoughts, full fledged platter of depression served, unlimited delivery of heart break coupled with teary eyes and no hope of getting out.
Your thoughts consumed you. Every day felt like a year. The moment felt stuck. The void getting bigger and bigger and somehow escape seemed impossible. It felt like being a soul-less body just lying around waiting for the misery to fade away on it’s own. You keep wondering to yourself, what did you do to deserve this ?
All of your energy feels depleted. Even though having a positive atmosphere around, nothing really cheers you up. Days and even weeks passed by, but procrastination is at it’s peak. No energy to put into meaningful work to escape the hell. Finding no joy in activities that once used to uplift you. Forget about hitting the gym, even getting out of bed feels like a big task.
Dealing with loss of someone, healing from a breakup, fighting financial crisis, being lonely, lacking pillars of support, struggling to keep your family together pushes you toward the dark zone known as depression. As a human, you are bound to face one of the above one day or another. No matter how amazing life is going, it will catch you off-guard.
One moment you are never serious and all of a sudden you are too serious. Too deep, too shallow, too sensitive, too cold-hearted. It’s like collection of paradoxes.
You are desperate to heal. Praying to God with heavy heart and teary eyes to release you of the misery. Oversharing when there is someone to listen, Feeling like you don’t belong anywhere, putting people’s need before your own, becoming obsessive with friendships, fall in love easily just because someone shows you slight care, feeling like the ‘disposable’ person in the group, feeling the need to be overly helpful or nice and begging for acknowledgement.
But trust me, “One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful”.
One day, you will wake up, perhaps in the same bed you used to struggle to get out of, with glistening eyes and a heartfelt smile, excited to live another day. The parts of you that used to hurt, now fully healed, will become a beautiful reminder of how far you have come. You are the most permanent thing in your life. You need You.
May you heal faster and be thankful to God for yet, he gave you another beautiful day to shine and rise. 🥂
